Choosing Love Over Lust

Photo by Sailor Brinkley-Cook

Question: After a history of failed relationships and struggle with depression, I'm finally in a very loving relationship with someone who adores me. However, I've developed a crush on my coworker. Maybe this is a sign my boyfriend isn't right for me?

Humans are deathly afraid to be seen and exposed as imperfect, flawed people. We try to present our best selves to the world and downplay any qualities that show vulnerability. Relationships force us into clear visibility and cultivate with honesty and authenticity. A history of failed relationships can affect our self-esteem and impose a deep-seated mistrust towards anyone who claims to love us.

When we don't feel worthy of love, we struggle to accept it. We seek immediate validation in people, often at the expense of our relationships. Film and literature have shaped our notions of seduction, suggesting that forbidden love is the most sensual and intriguing, especially when HR is watching over you. But as long as we chase the feeling of distant, lustful infatuation, we deny ourselves of deep, life-altering love, the kind that sustains a 50-year marriage.

Surrender to love. Admit your vulnerabilities and your fears, because if there are two things I am sure of, it's that chocolate heals heartbreak, and every human deserves a chance at real love.

Lots of love,

Gabby xx